Thursday, February 20, 2014

the quarter-life crisis

Is this a real thing? Or is it just some mumbo jumbo crap people spew out to justify how they feel? Does it even matter? Not the "crisis" itself but having a term to describe it. And is it actually fair to call feeling uncertain in life a crisis? Uncertainty. This piece written on this site certainly proposes the "quarter-life crisis" as a real thing.

I think most people will have a moment where they look back at their life thus far and wonder if this is where they saw themselves ending up. I think I've been at that point for the past few years. Sometimes I'm amazed at the path my life took. Other times I feel like it's completely unbelievable that this is where I find myself. Both professionally and personally. Amazed and unbelievable - they sound like the same thing but I am saying them as two separates.

I've been preoccupied of late with completing this work presentation that I'm trying to get done in time for our annual kickoff meeting next Monday. But every time I look at the reports I generated over the 2013 working year and try to extricate some form of analysis from the numbers/data/charts, I start drawing major blanks. I just don't know what to bullshit :D And I'm usually really excellent at extrapolating - analysis of reports is my forte, lol.

But right then I found myself with no clue at all how to complete a report I've been doing since 2008. Where had the passion for my job gone to I had wondered to myself. I mean, some time last year or the year before, I even thought aloud that this is not what I want to do with my life anymore no matter how competent I am at doing it. I'm good at my job, I know it but if this is turning out not to be the thing I wanna do for the rest of my working life.....I don't have a plan for what comes next. Hence, here I am, continuing to slog on doing this work. I have a pretty good feeling that the reason I don't enjoy what I'm doing currently is likely due to the clients I work with. I have complained before about how I have ended up loathing the people my company does business with. I think they are despicable and greedy with no moral compass. It does sicken me to be a bystander in all these shenanigans and I guess you could say that I am guilty by association. Being quiet doesn't mean you aren't tainted by it.

So really, will my "crisis" disappear if I don't have to work with the people I currently have to deal with which is a high likelihood or is there a deep seated issue that I have to deal with before I stop having all these doubts and confusion and lethargy?