Secrets. I feel I know too many of them. I keep too many of them. For myself, mainly for other people. It's tiring.
I mean being empathetic by nature is becoming burdensome as other people come to unburden themselves on me. Forcing me to have a responsibility for their actions. I'm at my limit. I have this one person who seems to keep doing things that put her in the most compromising of positions. If she wasn't so fragile mentally I would have told her to stop being a hypocritical Catholic and practise what's being preached instead of constantly looking for absolution after the fact. Which is what I find fundamentally twisted with the Catholic faith. In that sense, when does the cycle end? What use is repentance if it can be repeated ad nauseum.
I have no clue if I am an enabler. I probably am. Perhaps I'm being taken for a ride in terms of the things she's been telling me. It's hard when this person is someone you've known for practically your whole life and there comes that moment when you're thinking how can one person keep doing this to herself. Perhaps she is damaged beyond my help and whatever I am doing now isn't truly helping her. I don't think she will survive my cutting her off from me though. I don't want her to lean on me so much but I don't want my telling her that put her back in the hospital. I basically don't want this responsibility of being responsible for someone's tenuous hold on mental health. And therein lies my quandary. To keep my own sanity or to continue trying to save hers?
We'll see how the next few months play out. Perhaps I won't be so needed anymore.
I mean being empathetic by nature is becoming burdensome as other people come to unburden themselves on me. Forcing me to have a responsibility for their actions. I'm at my limit. I have this one person who seems to keep doing things that put her in the most compromising of positions. If she wasn't so fragile mentally I would have told her to stop being a hypocritical Catholic and practise what's being preached instead of constantly looking for absolution after the fact. Which is what I find fundamentally twisted with the Catholic faith. In that sense, when does the cycle end? What use is repentance if it can be repeated ad nauseum.
I have no clue if I am an enabler. I probably am. Perhaps I'm being taken for a ride in terms of the things she's been telling me. It's hard when this person is someone you've known for practically your whole life and there comes that moment when you're thinking how can one person keep doing this to herself. Perhaps she is damaged beyond my help and whatever I am doing now isn't truly helping her. I don't think she will survive my cutting her off from me though. I don't want her to lean on me so much but I don't want my telling her that put her back in the hospital. I basically don't want this responsibility of being responsible for someone's tenuous hold on mental health. And therein lies my quandary. To keep my own sanity or to continue trying to save hers?
We'll see how the next few months play out. Perhaps I won't be so needed anymore.
