Thank you for the 16 years ❤

In life, the only thing that's certain is death. Even knowing this, it's still hard to accept. Knowing how ill you were, somehow, I wished that I could have been with you in your final moments. I wish that you were not alone and that you knew that you were sent there to get better, that we didn't abandon you because you were no longer our able-bodied cat. I feel like you thought that sometimes. That just because your hind legs weren't as strong as before and you became incontinent, that we were falling out of love with you. I loved you, still love you, all the same, Chomsky. Four days ago when I dropped you off there at the vet, as he put a drip line into you and I wanted to make sure that you weren't thinking we were trying to hurt you on purpose, I looked you in the eyes and you looked at me back and blinked slowly. I hope you were telling me you loved me because God knows, I love you.  I wanted you to get better enough so you could come home to spend the rest of your days with us. 

Now I only have regrets. Did I do enough for you? I don't think I did. I could have loved you more, played with you more, cared for you more. It's too late for regrets now but I feel them all the same. It doesn't change the fact that the sadness I feel over your death is inconsolable right now. Half of the time I don't even realise that my tears are sliding down. My headache from all the crying hurts but somehow I feel I deserve it - you didn't get to breathe your last breath with us there. I feel guilty for that. 

I LOVE YOU, CHOMSKY, ALL OF YOU, EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU FOR ALL THE 16 YEARS YOU LIVED WITH US. 

I hope you knew that.

watched.....Exodus: Gods And Kings

All I that I really took away from the movie was, and still is, how much I find Christian Bale attractive :) I find him very, extremely attractive. Always have, ever since I saw him in 'Empire Of The Sun' - okay he was cute to me then cos I was roundabout the same age as he was in the movie when I first watched it. Later on, when I was a teen and saw him in 'Little Women' as Teddy, then he became attractive, hehe. I find him to be the best Dark Knight. And he does psychotic like no other. And all with such attractive flair.

But anyways, about the movie.....I feel if you watch it for simple entertainment, there's nothing wrong or blasphemous about it. All I did find myself thinking is there were inconsistencies with what I had grown up learning about the tale of Moses. Did it in any way affect belief in my faith? Hmmm, well, it did make me want to go and read the book again on the story of Moses. I just wanted to remember back the tale as I had learned it. Nothing more to it than that.

There wasn't anything else to receive from it other than that since all I could help but think at the beginning of the movie was how damn attracted I was to Christian Bale :)

weighing me down

Secrets. I feel I know too many of them. I keep too many of them. For myself, mainly for other people. It's tiring.

I mean being empathetic by nature is becoming burdensome as other people come to unburden themselves on me. Forcing me to have a responsibility for their actions. I'm at my limit. I have this one person who seems to keep doing things that put her in the most compromising of positions. If she wasn't so fragile mentally I would have told her to stop being a hypocritical Catholic and practise what's being preached instead of constantly looking for absolution after the fact. Which is what I find fundamentally twisted with the Catholic faith. In that sense, when does the cycle end? What use is repentance if it can be repeated ad nauseum.

I have no clue if I am an enabler. I probably am. Perhaps I'm being taken for a ride in terms of the things she's been telling me. It's hard when this person is someone you've known for practically your whole life and there comes that moment when you're thinking how can one person keep doing this to herself. Perhaps she is damaged beyond my help and whatever I am doing now isn't truly helping her. I don't think she will survive my cutting her off from me though. I don't want her to lean on me so much but I don't want my telling her that put her back in the hospital. I basically don't want this responsibility of being responsible for someone's tenuous hold on mental health. And therein lies my quandary. To keep my own sanity or to continue trying to save hers?

We'll see how the next few months play out. Perhaps I won't be so needed anymore.

journalistic instincts

So even thoug I haven't been on here as much, it doesn't mean I haven't been logging down my thoughts. I was just doing it the old-fashioned way - by putting pen to paper.

I recently purchased this cutesy journal.....

It's just filled with funny, somewhat insightful girl-related quotes and some of the special pages to jot down stuff have kitschy headings like.....

And this particular one really inspired me to fill the page :).....

It's really just been fun to jot down nothings in this journal. Reminded me of the times I kept a diary in my teen years, hehe. I have that diary lying around somehwere......

love has arrived!

I'm talking about my Rebecca Minkoff handbag :D

Yes, the pic is taken at my cubicle at work. Instead of doing something work-related, taking a picture of my gorgeous bag was muy importante, hehe.

And this pic is of my equally as gorgeous sunnies pouch. I am tres happy with this pouch since it is very roomy and can accommodate my larger Prada baroque frames comfortably as well as my square frame Olivers.

And just because. I thought since I'm showing my new RM stuff that I'll also show some love for my couple years old RM MAC laptop bag which I've started carrying around again.

After this latest arrival, off hand I believe I have 7 Rebecca Minkoff designs. Is that 7 too many bags from one designer?

the love goes on and on.....

As much as I LOVE my high end arm accoutrements, I can't help but notice Rebecca Minkoff speaks directly to my fashion sensibilities. Oh, as I was typing that sentence, it just hit me that she and English brand Mulberry have the same sense when it comes to their handbags. The Jules satchel I got last month mirrors the Mulberry Bayswater. Think of Jules as the younger, rebellious sister of the pragmatic, sensible Bayswater.

Which brings me to Love. Yes, Love. I fell in love with Cara Delevigne's collaboration with Mulberry. Specifically the black quilted medium backpack with gold hardware. I saw the burgundy iteration of this gorgeous piece of leather whilst traipsing around Singapore during the F1 weekend last September. Had a chance to paw the bag and admire it up close. The price tag was pretty too :) I still thought that if it was available further into the future, I would set aside some funds to get it.

But then I saw Love. Just like how Jules was akin to Bayswater, so too was Love to CD's quilted bag. I fell in love with Love with black hardware immediately without hesitation. But I had just gotten Jules and Bowery and as crazy as I am about buying bags, I do try to not put myself in debt because of it. I can't exactly fork out another USD375 just because I saw a bag I had to have. I figured I would be patient till Black Friday rolled around. I kept tabs on it daily on Shopbop as that was the only other place aside from Rebecca Minkoff's own site that had the bag in stock. Till it was sold out.....then back in stock.....then back to sold out. I sighed and just threw it to fate. If I was meant to have the bag come Black Friday, I was meant to have the bag.

I feel I need to explain why I didn't bother with getting it direct from rebeccaminkoff.com. It was simply because I was waiting for discount codes and Shopbop usually had some at any given time. Plus, I had already had a great experience with Shopbop's customer service and was very satisfied with them. Also, for some reason, rebeccaminkoff.com kept trying to charge me for $19.95 shipping even though the price of the bag exceeded the USD300 base limit to qualify for free shipping. And you know how I feel about getting my shipping free, right peeps!

Ok, anyways, I was minding my business the day before yesterday and saw an email newsletter from Rebecca Minkoff regarding their early start to Black Friday. I thought, okay, why not take a look, no harm in that. They had a promo code for 25% off orders totalling USD275 and above. Ooh, I thought, great, the money I save from the discounts can go towards paying for shipping. So I went to the site and did a search for the Love backpack. The results had me in a tizzy. The Love backpack was now going for USD250. It was on sale! I quickly put it in my cart. I thought even if I have to pay shipping, I don't care now!

A thought occurred to me. I could get a discount if only I added something else so my total would, ahem, total at minimum $275 to qualify for the Black2014 coupon code. I didn't realistically think I could find anything for $25. I did decide to get these cute sunnies pouch I had been eyeing for the longest time but just couldn't justify the purchase. Till this transaction that is.

It was going for $50 from its RRP of 75 smackaroos. My cart total was now an even USD300. After applying the code, I saved $75 bringing down my total to USD225. I essentially got the sunnies case gratis AND saved an additional TWENTY FIVE BUCKS on the bag! This meant that not only did I not pay retail for the Love backpack I coveted oh-so-much, I got it for A STEAL saving myself $150 with a leather sunglasses case to boot!

The best part is - FREE SHIPPING! I also got free shipping, y'all! All in all, I was charged USD249.38 inclusive of customs and duties for my country cos yes, i am getting free shipping all the way to my home country. No Portland involved in this purchase! The downside, shipping's really slow. It isn't like Shopbop which uses DHL express that arrives within 4/5 days after payment is confirmed. But it's okay, I can ultimately live with that - the score's well worth it!

my love affair with Rebecca Minkoff

Yes, yes, yes.....it's totally been a lack of interest on my side to blog but don't get me wrong, I have been feeling a tad guilty about it. However, I am now feeling the mood again and thus, here I am to make good on it. What comeback post would one expect from moi if not for a completely frivolous one that had all to do with my favourite thing to buy - HANDBAGS! And if you call yourself a fashion follower at all, one should already be aware that Rebecca Minkoff is a designer that is always in the mix of the fashion set. To those who thought Rebecca Minkoff was an actual woman I was having a dillatante moment in the arts of same-sex relationships, well, sorry to disappoint, that isn't the case.

What I can affirm is I think at this point it's safe for me to actually come out and state that I and Rebecca M have the same taste in handbags. Rebecca M designs the bags that I, Zlena, love to buy. To date, I have in hand 4 of her bags from the Morning After range accoutrements. Without further chit chatting, please meet Jules.....

.....and her sis, Bowery

I honestly wanted to wait till Black Friday but well, 25% off to get the bag likely by next week versus waiting till December to have the bag in hand tipped the whole thing into instant gratification's favour :D Coupon code FAMILY25, you temptress you! All in all, inclusive of customs and duties to my Homeland, my handbag haul came to USD552.76. Which is still less about USD120 than I would have paid for the two pieces RRP. And they ship DHL which means I'm assured of the lovelies arriving in timely and safe conditions. Perhaps even in time for my overnight trip back to former Workland this coming 25th. Am going back to pick up 2 luggages I left with former colleagues as well as see aforementioned peeps. It's been an adjustment being back home - mostly great. The not-so-great part is even though I earn more now than I did when I was posted overseas and I am in an actual managerial position, I have less to do and even less money when all is done and dusted at the end of the month. Turns out it is true that the more money you get, the less you seem to have. Okay, buying 2 handbags doesn't actually help and I really do have to get my finances in order cos I can't keep up the same lifestyle I had when I was in another country. Sigh, that's really for a whole other post. So, YAY HANDBAGS!

it's official!

I'm moving back to Homeland! After 7 long years and 7 short months, I will finally leave this place that I have thought of as home - how could I not considering I've spent nearly a decade in this country. I have great memories and awful memories to take back with me. I will miss my colleagues who have become my family - we've been through the hghs and this last low, I wil never forget you, guys! I will not miss the assholes-in-charge from the government departments I used to have to deal with nor will I miss our equally asshole-ish local partner who is a jackass. Can you be an asshole and a jackass too? Whatever, he's both and more in my honest opinion.

I've shed a few tears at the thought of leaving for good. Of course I can always come back for visits but my point is that I had a life here, going back will mean adjusting to living with people 24/7. Whereas I used to have privacy in abundance, it'll be pretty scarce when I go back, lol. But I'll be with my family which is what i wanted anyways these past few years.

And that truly is the silver lining in all this. Yes, we have to close our office here, yes, people had to be retrenched, yes, it is a loss to our company's portfolio but for me, it meant being able to go back home. Oh, and I also got a promotion as well as a substantial salary bump. Which I feel in two minds about. Firstly, it seemed kinda wrong that I got to keep my job, a new title and more money when all of the local staff here had to be let go. On the other hand, I've served this company loyally for 9 years, it'll be 10 by 2015, this promotion was due and my salary hike a bonus. Yes, having to pay tax will suck greatly for me but I feel I'll still have quite a bit leftover for normal life, lol. But people lost their jobs to the events of the past 6 months. Sigh, I'm happy but I'm sad. I can't wait to go home but I dread to leave. I have paradoxical feelings which I can't control. Honestly, it's a blessing and a curse.

it's crazy that i've shopped so much

Even before I step foot on US soil, I would have already spent $915.16 on things that I shopped online. So much for holding back on the shopping before I go, huh? :D

I figure I will have saved more money buying the stuff beforehand rather than if I got them when I'm there. I have bought conceivably everything I truly wanted and the only thing left for me to get that's on my list is a french wallet which I'll try to buy from Coach at one of the outlet malls I'm bound to visit.

Of course this doesn't mean I won't be buying anymore stuff since I'm likely unable to stop myself :)

remaining crisp on the road

Lol, what a really weird post title but it aptly describes why I got this item:

I've been looking at travel irons for awhile now but never took the plunge to get one till now. I'm always in need of ironing, I cannot stand wrinkly clothes so this is a necessity for when I travel since some places do not provide irons and ironing board. Yes, I've actually stayed in places where they are not provided. The SteamFast travel iron above cost me $27.62. The reviews, overall, are pretty positive so I'm looking for this to work for me too. The fact that it's a steam iron really tipped the scales in its favour :) It's shipped together with the rest of my camera stuff I got from Amazon which is already out for delivery as we speak.