The one who told me he loved me. Well, things have roughly gotten back to where it once was before. Largely because I try to ignore the fact that he ever opened up to me.
Plus, he's been doing his damndest to put aside whatever he feels. He's praying a whole lot. I know this because he sits in front of me and does it. Which is fine, whatever gets you through.
But on the occasions I can't forget, I start to get irritable and I take it out on him. Especially when I catch him looking at me, I'll always stick my chin up and ask in a confrontational tone what he wants. LOL, childish, I know but I can't help resenting him at times.
That's been happening all week but today, as we were making preparations for our trip, he wanted me to show him something at the database server and as I stood to open up the table and which columns to adjust if need be, he stood next to me a bit close and I started rearing back. I feel uncomfortable being too close like that, and to be fair, I feel like that with any guy, but I guess that was one too many subtle perceived insults cos he started snapping, "Look, I'm not touching you, ok? I'm not touching you. You don't have to be scared, I'm not trying to touch you." I immediately defended myself saying he was blocking the light and I couldn't see the monitor clearly, which wasn't a complete lie, he really did block out the light. But I did recoil because of the nearness.
Sigh. Sometimes I don't think things will ever be normal again.
Plus, he's been doing his damndest to put aside whatever he feels. He's praying a whole lot. I know this because he sits in front of me and does it. Which is fine, whatever gets you through.
But on the occasions I can't forget, I start to get irritable and I take it out on him. Especially when I catch him looking at me, I'll always stick my chin up and ask in a confrontational tone what he wants. LOL, childish, I know but I can't help resenting him at times.
That's been happening all week but today, as we were making preparations for our trip, he wanted me to show him something at the database server and as I stood to open up the table and which columns to adjust if need be, he stood next to me a bit close and I started rearing back. I feel uncomfortable being too close like that, and to be fair, I feel like that with any guy, but I guess that was one too many subtle perceived insults cos he started snapping, "Look, I'm not touching you, ok? I'm not touching you. You don't have to be scared, I'm not trying to touch you." I immediately defended myself saying he was blocking the light and I couldn't see the monitor clearly, which wasn't a complete lie, he really did block out the light. But I did recoil because of the nearness.
Sigh. Sometimes I don't think things will ever be normal again.
