welcome to my obsession

How I love it! The '09 season has begun and it is showing a lot of promise! New teams claiming top spots, accidents galore, car failures at top speeds and despite having 3 world champions on the grid, none were on the top step of the podium at the end of the race! 2009 looks to be a fantastic and captivating year for F1 racing.

Last weekend, Ferrari and Kimi Raikkonen (and by extension Felipe Massa as well) began their F1 campaign in a less than spectacular manner. Both cars failed to finish in the points with Felipe retiring on lap 51 with a steering failure and Kimi spinning on lap 48 due to as yet unknown reasons (could be driver error or a car glitch), dropping him to the tail end of the field and despite officially ranking 16th overall, he actually retired on the three laps from the end of the race. However, I was still enthralled, Kimi's driving seemed more pro-active than it was in '08. He was taking chances, overtaking and bringing the fight to other drivers. I can only hope that his results will be better in the next race in Sepang. With the race from Melbourne, Ferrari took no points both in the constructors and drivers championship which is not ideal but I foresee a bounce back this weekend in Malaysia. Well I pray there will be a bounce back, I can't stand the heartsick feeling when my team doesn't do well.

But whatever the results with Ferrari and Kimi, what this first race of the season has made me realize is how much I've missed Formula 1 racing. After the end of the '08 season, I put myself under a self-imposed F1 blackout. I was feeling a bit too disheartened by the '08 turn of events and believed I needed to gain a lot of perspective on my F1 obsession. So I stayed away from 99% of the pre-season winter testing news. I don't exactly know how I managed it but besides the odd bits of news regarding the Honda outfit becoming Brawn Racing, I did not invest any time finding out the progress/development of Ferrari and their rivals. I was relatively F1 free for 4.5 months.

That didn't mean I wasn't counting down the days till the first race. I knew I was not going to be available to watch the race on live tv which was a disappointment cos I partially believe I could have helped Kimi along a lil bit more if I had watched it live (I know this sounds wacko but a part of me truly believes that if you will it enough it'll happen!) but I did do all that I could to keep up with the on-goings this race weekend.

Upon arriving to my apartment late yesterday evening, the first thing I did was switch on my laptop to find out who had won the race. I had tried to find out at the airport while waiting for my flight but the free wifi service was completely crap and I wasn't able to google news despite there being connectivity. When I found out that Jenson Button had won, I felt quite ok. As long as its not Fernando Alonso or Lewis Hamilton or Felipe Massa, I don't mind so much. Then my next step was to check Kimi's position. After finding out he didn't chart in the points, I checked Felipe's stats and next Alonso and Lewis. By this time I guess I've established who I believe is Kimi's main rivals, the rest are just to round up the numbers. My next move was to check the ESPN listing, I know there was a repeat but wasn't sure what time it was and after getting the info I needed, I settled down enough to unpack and have dinner.

At about 7 pm, I switched channels and the pre-race show was on. I don't know how else to describe how I felt when I caught my first glimpse of all the new designs for this season. I got sooooo excited to hear the roar of the engines that I literally started clapping my hands in glee. That high whine of an F1 engine is one of the most exciting sounds that one could hear in a lifetime. For me anyways. I don't know about any other F1 fans but I love that feeling of queasy excitement when the cars are doing their formation lap before getting into position on the grid. I love the rapid increase of my heartbeat and the sick feeling in my stomach that occurs as the five lights illuminate counting down to the start of the race and when they go off and the cars start moving, I feel nauseous and like my heart is going to burst, it's a bit painful even. I know it seems like its more torturous than exciting, which sometimes I think it is but the sheer pleasure of watching those high-powered machines get off the starting line overrules all the unpleasantness my body goes through in those first moments. I am always tense during those first few seconds after the start and that's when I do most of my encouragement-filled rallying (read: yelling at Kimi to move that Ferrari faster and get ahead of the pack). How I feel after those first few seconds could go either way. If Kimi does well then of course I'm super elated but if otherwise, I will feel crushing disappointment for about 2 seconds before I pick up the rallying again with more loud encouragements to just throw caution to the wind and overtake the damn car in front of you that's bogging you down.

And that's EXACTLY how it went down while I was watching the rerun last night. I had already known the outcome of the race and more than knew what was going to happen but it didn't stop me from yelling and encouraging my driver to be the best. I think some small bit of me believes (crazily enough) if I just shout a bit more and get all excited, the results will magically change in my/Kimi's favour. I know I sound semi-insane about the whole thing. But something about F1 just makes me happy. I love the tactics, the driver skills involved, the whole competitive atmosphere. And despite Kimi being my favourite driver, I do give other drivers credit when its due. I do support other drivers in a race and give them props when they have done brilliantly. I did feel sorry for Felipe Massa last year when he lost out to Lewis Hamilton for the drivers championship but on the other hand I also personally believe that Lewis deserved it last year. I don't like Lewis cos I think he's too full of himself and I can't stand Alonso cos he's pompous as well but they would not be world champions if they weren't great drivers. And I can admit here that I think Kimi's lost his edge a bit after winning the championship in '07 and his confidence probably took quite a bit of knocking when he was extremely unsuccessful in defending his status as F1 champ last year (he finished third overall) but it doesn't mean I don't believe in him and his prowess as a fantastic driver. Watching Kimi when he hits his stride is magical. When he gets in the zone HE IS AMAZING. I don't know if he became complacent after winning the championship (which he thoroughly deserved) and his hunger for being a head above the competition was more than slightly diminished or whatever but I still would bet on him to win every single race if I was a betting person. Simply because I believe in him to deliver.

My confidence in Kimi as a superb driver was not diminished by the events that transpired last year and it still isn't. And considering he still finished third in a field of 22, just goes to show, expectations of him and his abilities run high and people generally want more out of him. He still was the fastest man on the grid, posting the highest number of fastest laps in the 2008 season and retaining the DHL Fastest Man On Track title (or something like that) for the second year running. I just personally feel that I should keep myself more in check in regards to my support of him. I have an emotional investment in Kimi's development and progress as a driver. When you have followed the career of someone for the same amount of time he's been in the sport, it should be understandable why I react so strongly to his highs and lows. But I also realize that I have got to get a grip. I want him to do well and win more championships, beating records set by drivers before him because I know he's capable, but at the same time I realize I need to be less emotional about it. I do have a funny fear that all the stress I endure watching him drive might eventually result in heart problems for me in the future :P I've had my mum tell me on numerous occasions to stop being so involved as I'm not getting paid to support him and the yelling should be kept to a minimum as he can't hear me in the first place. I do agree with her. I may not have said so at the time she was telling me this, instead retorting that I know my yelling is urging him on to do better and she just gave me a look :) Hence the F1 blackout these past few months. And after spending the blackout period contemplating more zen and less stress, I am coming into this season with a better apporach. I am still super supportive of my driver but if he does not do well, I'm not going to be taking it quite as personally as I did before. Hey, I'm not the one at risk of losing my millions of dollars drive if I don't perform, Kimi knows well enough what he has to do, he doesn't need me to yell at my television to get him to do it. I just do it cos I like it :D