I am running on almost empty today.....I can't wait for this day to be over. I have no idea why but for the past 2 nights I have had trouble sleeping, in a major way (which means more so than usual). I don't know if it's just a body clock phase or there's some unconscious issue I'm stressing about that is causing this really disruptive sleep deprivation. For instance, my birthday weekend is coming up, could it be I am unknowingly worried of turning a year older? I feel fine when I think about it but who knows, sometimes the mind and the heart does not see eye to eye.
Today I am functioning on two and a half hours sleep and I've been up since 4:30 am. I attempted to go to bed at 10:30 last night but you know when your body is tired but your mind just refuses to switch off? I'm lying in bed, the lights are switched off and I'm feeling mellow and suddenly I start thinking about risotto. How to make risotto, what kind of rice do you use, can you cook it in a rice cooker, is there a non-alcoholic substitute for the wine and on and on and on. I know where these risotto thoughts originated from - my viewings of "Hell's Kitchen" but HELL *smiles (too knackered to offer a cheeky grin)*, I could really do without the incessant assault on my poor beleagured mind. I actually got up and googled it, I spent the next half hour looking up risotto recipes! My research answered ALL the nagging questions I had.....I'll be trying those recipes out soon-ish but the point is all the googling got my brain awake and now I am so far from dozing off.
All risotto related queries satisfied, I settle on my bed to finish the last few pages of David Sedaris's "When You Are Engulfed In Flames" (tres amusing btw). I giggle through the final two pages and once the book is closed, switch off my lights and lay down. It's 11.50 pm now. I'm 10 minutes away from midnight and already 2 hours short of the necessary 8 hours of sleep (I rarely fulfill the daily recommended dosage but I do try). Of course, when you are haranguing yourself to go to sleep like that, who can actually sleep? So now I'm trying to stop myself from worrying about the dwindling sleep hours and how my cortisol hormones are not lowering which could possibly lead to a zit in the morning.
I successfully divert my mind by thinking about what I'm feeling for breakfast, cereal or smores pop tart. My sugar craving wins, it's decided, smores pop tart it is. Somehow, all roads lead to food and after jumping the gun (in this case lunch), I am planning out my dinner. And here we go again, I start thinking of the boneless chicken breast meat in my freezer. And fresh plain yogurt. And then it leads me to recipes of chicken breast mixed with yogurt. The debate goes on for about 15 minutes and google wins out again, I find myself in front of my laptop again. It's now 12:45 am. After saving the numerous chicken breast and yogurt recipes in my favourites folder, I actually start thinking of going to my kitchen and defrosting some chicken. Common sense won out, I am now lying down, again, and trying to lull myself to sleep.
It's not even 5 minutes and I'm up again. I go straight to my closet and pull out a pair of Levis blue jeans and proceed to wear them. What the hell am I doing at 1:13 am trying on a pair of jeans you may wonder.....yea, I was half wondering why I felt I needed to see if those jeans were feeling tight or loose on me right there and then. But those sane thoughts were drowned out by the other ones that were yelling that the jeans fit great, not too tight at all! I had tried 'em on a coupla days after coming back from vacation and they were too snug for my liking so having them fit with some give was a relief, meant I was shedding that holiday weight. I hope I am anyways.
Am overjoyed and have realized the futility of trying another lay down. I go into my living room instead and switch on the tv to one of the movie channels. "Emma" is playing. Euughh! A Gwynnie Paltrow movie. Never watched it but anything with Mrs. Chris Martin does not appeal. But beggars can't be choosy and with the hope of her non-dulcet tones tipping me to the edges of sleep, I settle down to watch. But now, I keep looking at her thin neck (her hair is up most of the movie, it draws focus) and it reminds me of a scrawny chicken. I'm sorry! I know it's a mean thought. Anyways, now I'm thinking about yogurt and chicken again AND my stomach's grumbling with hunger to boot. I try to ignore the cravings but finally, as a gesture of compromise, I polish off 2 pieces of oat biscuits to quiet my tummy and my traitorous mind. I have a 85% success rate when it comes to the no eats after 6 pm rule and now I've just broken it.
One Gwyneth Paltrow movie and a midnight snack later, it's 2:00 am and I finally feel mind-numbingly tired. I lie down and can't even remember going off to sleep......only to awaken at 4:30 am.....for no reason. It was then I decided to just give up on getting anymore ZZzzz's and just starting my day. I got up, put together a breakfast of a pop tart and a cup of coffee then went off to shower. Spent an hour and a half reading "Slumdog Millionaire" before my ride to work arrived and here I've been since. The clock is ticking to 5 pm, I can't wait to go home and eat my rice and beef take-away since I skipped lunch. And after watching "American Idol", I will shower and hopefully GO TO SLEEP!
Today I am functioning on two and a half hours sleep and I've been up since 4:30 am. I attempted to go to bed at 10:30 last night but you know when your body is tired but your mind just refuses to switch off? I'm lying in bed, the lights are switched off and I'm feeling mellow and suddenly I start thinking about risotto. How to make risotto, what kind of rice do you use, can you cook it in a rice cooker, is there a non-alcoholic substitute for the wine and on and on and on. I know where these risotto thoughts originated from - my viewings of "Hell's Kitchen" but HELL *smiles (too knackered to offer a cheeky grin)*, I could really do without the incessant assault on my poor beleagured mind. I actually got up and googled it, I spent the next half hour looking up risotto recipes! My research answered ALL the nagging questions I had.....I'll be trying those recipes out soon-ish but the point is all the googling got my brain awake and now I am so far from dozing off.
All risotto related queries satisfied, I settle on my bed to finish the last few pages of David Sedaris's "When You Are Engulfed In Flames" (tres amusing btw). I giggle through the final two pages and once the book is closed, switch off my lights and lay down. It's 11.50 pm now. I'm 10 minutes away from midnight and already 2 hours short of the necessary 8 hours of sleep (I rarely fulfill the daily recommended dosage but I do try). Of course, when you are haranguing yourself to go to sleep like that, who can actually sleep? So now I'm trying to stop myself from worrying about the dwindling sleep hours and how my cortisol hormones are not lowering which could possibly lead to a zit in the morning.
I successfully divert my mind by thinking about what I'm feeling for breakfast, cereal or smores pop tart. My sugar craving wins, it's decided, smores pop tart it is. Somehow, all roads lead to food and after jumping the gun (in this case lunch), I am planning out my dinner. And here we go again, I start thinking of the boneless chicken breast meat in my freezer. And fresh plain yogurt. And then it leads me to recipes of chicken breast mixed with yogurt. The debate goes on for about 15 minutes and google wins out again, I find myself in front of my laptop again. It's now 12:45 am. After saving the numerous chicken breast and yogurt recipes in my favourites folder, I actually start thinking of going to my kitchen and defrosting some chicken. Common sense won out, I am now lying down, again, and trying to lull myself to sleep.
It's not even 5 minutes and I'm up again. I go straight to my closet and pull out a pair of Levis blue jeans and proceed to wear them. What the hell am I doing at 1:13 am trying on a pair of jeans you may wonder.....yea, I was half wondering why I felt I needed to see if those jeans were feeling tight or loose on me right there and then. But those sane thoughts were drowned out by the other ones that were yelling that the jeans fit great, not too tight at all! I had tried 'em on a coupla days after coming back from vacation and they were too snug for my liking so having them fit with some give was a relief, meant I was shedding that holiday weight. I hope I am anyways.
Am overjoyed and have realized the futility of trying another lay down. I go into my living room instead and switch on the tv to one of the movie channels. "Emma" is playing. Euughh! A Gwynnie Paltrow movie. Never watched it but anything with Mrs. Chris Martin does not appeal. But beggars can't be choosy and with the hope of her non-dulcet tones tipping me to the edges of sleep, I settle down to watch. But now, I keep looking at her thin neck (her hair is up most of the movie, it draws focus) and it reminds me of a scrawny chicken. I'm sorry! I know it's a mean thought. Anyways, now I'm thinking about yogurt and chicken again AND my stomach's grumbling with hunger to boot. I try to ignore the cravings but finally, as a gesture of compromise, I polish off 2 pieces of oat biscuits to quiet my tummy and my traitorous mind. I have a 85% success rate when it comes to the no eats after 6 pm rule and now I've just broken it.
One Gwyneth Paltrow movie and a midnight snack later, it's 2:00 am and I finally feel mind-numbingly tired. I lie down and can't even remember going off to sleep......only to awaken at 4:30 am.....for no reason. It was then I decided to just give up on getting anymore ZZzzz's and just starting my day. I got up, put together a breakfast of a pop tart and a cup of coffee then went off to shower. Spent an hour and a half reading "Slumdog Millionaire" before my ride to work arrived and here I've been since. The clock is ticking to 5 pm, I can't wait to go home and eat my rice and beef take-away since I skipped lunch. And after watching "American Idol", I will shower and hopefully GO TO SLEEP!
