Lately I've been reviewing my life and one aspect that has been on my mind is my steadfast decision to not date or have relationships in general. I was just thinking about making more of an effort to actually go out on dates when I'm asked instead of turning them down and generally getting back into the dating game and whatnot.
I guess these feelings came about as I took stock of where I am and that is the one area of my life I have not made any improvements in. I am stuck where I was 6 years ago and I think it is mainly because I am scared of getting hurt. I admit, I am deathly afraid that I'll get completely destroyed by someone. Scratch that - my number one inherent fear is letting someone into my life that can potentially break my heart. You could say I had a taste of that way back when and it has left me the person I am today. Yes, I am stuck in this limbo and unable to move forward because of a period in my life that, when I look back on it, really should not have impacted me in this way. The gist is, in the space of a coupla months, whatever transpired changed the course of my life to where it is today. But for whatever reason, I am the way I am because of it. And over the years I have wondered how to progress beyond it but I haven't managed to do it just yet. Even now as I write this up, I am unsure if I can even make that effort.
Anyways, my dear friend in Oz announced back in June that she and her long-term boyfriend with whom she's been in a 4 year relationship with had decided to get married in April 2012. She is one of my closest buddies - I've known her since we were 7, we bonded over our love for Take That and the Brazil 1994 World Cup champions' team. She and I go waaaaay back, she's part of our group of six. I was reminiscing with her a couple of emails ago that when she came to visit me here in Workland, at that time she was a couple of months into the relationship and we were having a girls chat about the guys' potential and I mentioned in the email that I guess it was fated it would result in a marriage.
The planning began, she asked the girls in the group to be her ladies-in-waiting for her big day and all of us were excited. Since it's slated for early April, I was trying to figure out my air ticket and see if I could get a good deal - I had planned to go back just for the weekend of her ceremony and reception. For some reason I don't know why I kept putting off looking for the tix. In a really sick and twisted way, I guess I was lucky I didn't. She and the guy broke off the engagement and called off the wedding two days ago. Well, the harsh truth is, he broke it off with her. I absolutely cannot fathom the manner in which he did it. He definitely did not mince his words when he told her why he changed his mind about getting married. He told her, and I am quoting him verbatim, "I don't think I will be happy with you in my future." Could the dude not spare her a lil bit????
Sigh. I am sad about this. This should not have happened to her. I just don't get it, what is wrong with men that they cannot figure it out BEFORE they propose. I think this problem is particularly rampant among Caucasian men and you can quote me on that. I don't particularly care if I sound like a bigot. If it ain't obvious, the dude is Caucasian and my gal pal is fully Asian. I have no idea whether background and differing religions played a factor or not but if it did then he truly should not have wasted her time or strung her along by consistently telling her he saw marriage as their end game. Last year, during my other chica's wedding which Oz flew up for, the dude came up a couple of days after for a meet and greet with her fam and without ANY prompting or discussion, he brought up the subject of marriage with her parents and mentioned that he wanted to marry her. He even said he was okay with with converting - that was how much he "wanted" to be with her.
What the hell could have changed his mind in the couple of months between proposing and now? I don't get it. You spend 4 years together with someone and then you decide to propose and now you suddenly tell her that you don't love her anymore???? Right to change your mind and all but I don't get why he could not have done this before proposing. Don't you think these things over before you do the whole "I wanna marry you" speech? He could have spared her so much heartache if he had. Things were in motion, plans had already been finalized, there were only a couple of small things to work out! I am starting to feel royally pissed about this.
But in the end, if they can work it out, call it cold feet or whatever, I will still celebrate her wedding with all the joy I can muster. She is important to me and I don't want to see her broken by this. If there is a way for them to work through it then I hope they can. Because if I'm honest, I'm very afraid my friend will not be able to come back from this.
To the guys out there, seriously, think before you speak. Women don't deserve this!
I guess these feelings came about as I took stock of where I am and that is the one area of my life I have not made any improvements in. I am stuck where I was 6 years ago and I think it is mainly because I am scared of getting hurt. I admit, I am deathly afraid that I'll get completely destroyed by someone. Scratch that - my number one inherent fear is letting someone into my life that can potentially break my heart. You could say I had a taste of that way back when and it has left me the person I am today. Yes, I am stuck in this limbo and unable to move forward because of a period in my life that, when I look back on it, really should not have impacted me in this way. The gist is, in the space of a coupla months, whatever transpired changed the course of my life to where it is today. But for whatever reason, I am the way I am because of it. And over the years I have wondered how to progress beyond it but I haven't managed to do it just yet. Even now as I write this up, I am unsure if I can even make that effort.
Anyways, my dear friend in Oz announced back in June that she and her long-term boyfriend with whom she's been in a 4 year relationship with had decided to get married in April 2012. She is one of my closest buddies - I've known her since we were 7, we bonded over our love for Take That and the Brazil 1994 World Cup champions' team. She and I go waaaaay back, she's part of our group of six. I was reminiscing with her a couple of emails ago that when she came to visit me here in Workland, at that time she was a couple of months into the relationship and we were having a girls chat about the guys' potential and I mentioned in the email that I guess it was fated it would result in a marriage.
The planning began, she asked the girls in the group to be her ladies-in-waiting for her big day and all of us were excited. Since it's slated for early April, I was trying to figure out my air ticket and see if I could get a good deal - I had planned to go back just for the weekend of her ceremony and reception. For some reason I don't know why I kept putting off looking for the tix. In a really sick and twisted way, I guess I was lucky I didn't. She and the guy broke off the engagement and called off the wedding two days ago. Well, the harsh truth is, he broke it off with her. I absolutely cannot fathom the manner in which he did it. He definitely did not mince his words when he told her why he changed his mind about getting married. He told her, and I am quoting him verbatim, "I don't think I will be happy with you in my future." Could the dude not spare her a lil bit????
Sigh. I am sad about this. This should not have happened to her. I just don't get it, what is wrong with men that they cannot figure it out BEFORE they propose. I think this problem is particularly rampant among Caucasian men and you can quote me on that. I don't particularly care if I sound like a bigot. If it ain't obvious, the dude is Caucasian and my gal pal is fully Asian. I have no idea whether background and differing religions played a factor or not but if it did then he truly should not have wasted her time or strung her along by consistently telling her he saw marriage as their end game. Last year, during my other chica's wedding which Oz flew up for, the dude came up a couple of days after for a meet and greet with her fam and without ANY prompting or discussion, he brought up the subject of marriage with her parents and mentioned that he wanted to marry her. He even said he was okay with with converting - that was how much he "wanted" to be with her.
What the hell could have changed his mind in the couple of months between proposing and now? I don't get it. You spend 4 years together with someone and then you decide to propose and now you suddenly tell her that you don't love her anymore???? Right to change your mind and all but I don't get why he could not have done this before proposing. Don't you think these things over before you do the whole "I wanna marry you" speech? He could have spared her so much heartache if he had. Things were in motion, plans had already been finalized, there were only a couple of small things to work out! I am starting to feel royally pissed about this.
But in the end, if they can work it out, call it cold feet or whatever, I will still celebrate her wedding with all the joy I can muster. She is important to me and I don't want to see her broken by this. If there is a way for them to work through it then I hope they can. Because if I'm honest, I'm very afraid my friend will not be able to come back from this.
To the guys out there, seriously, think before you speak. Women don't deserve this!
