A couple of months ago I talked about my sister's transition from a relatively happy singleton to being one half of a marriage partnership. Back then, she offered me these words of advice, I paraphrased them a little so they sound more coherent - "Marriage is not simple. Especially if you marry late in life, you're trying to combine two different lives and making it work together. My advice is, if you want to get married, do it before you are thirty because at least it gives you a fighting chance of making it work."
It's been nearly 6 months since her wedding. Has it gotten easier for her? No, it has not. In fact, she's miserable and she's trying so hard to make it work. But at what point should you realize that enough is enough? Do you keep on soldiering on and try to give it more opportunities to work in the hope that it will get better or should you trust your instincts and give in knowing it'll give you back your sanity and some semblance of happiness?
Marriage is hard, I get that. It constantly needs work but do you still subscribe to this if from the get-go, right out of the gate you have to keep batting so, so, so hard to keep the game alive? Ok, that's me trying out a baseball analogy and I don't particularly like nor understand the sport. Anyways, how much crazy should you forgive before you hold up your hands and say, "That's it, I surrender, I can't take it anymore"?
I ask this because after the latest string of crazy behavior my insane brother-in-law (i loathe to refer to him as family but it is what it is ain't it?) I can't understand the rationale of "trying to make it work". When is it time to give in? Is it at the point where you are calling your mother so often in the wee hours of the morning because your mentally unsound husband is accusing you of carrying on an affair with your business partner? Is it at the point where he pressures you to start trying for kids because he believes it'll make all you problems go away but then when you disagree, he accuses your business partner of influencing you not to have kids? Is it when he issues ultimatums for you to sell your business where you are the managing director of a relatively extremely successful small business as a solution to saving your marriage? Oh yes, and if you want to work so badly, said husband will make you his PA, no worries!
Yes, that is some of the completely off the chart behavior the ego maniac is displaying. I am filled with so much disdain towards him. Ok, I f@$king wish he'd just eff off to whereever and leave my family alone. When you drag my poor mum into this who has to listen to my sis at 3, 4 o'clock in the morning telling her, "I'm tired, Ma, I'm tired. I don't think I can do this anymore." , you f@$king well am pissing me the hell off! When you request to meet my dad to discuss your wife's behavior with her father that really riles me! You miserable excuse of a human being.
But the part that really gets me, that completely pisses me the hell off is the fact that the longer my sister stays to try to make it work, often times just barely hanging in there, I feel the heavy weight of my disappointment bearing down on me. I am disappointed and angry that she has put herself in a similar situation she was in about 5 or 7 years ago. I look up to you as my role model. I listen to you. I watched you go through the worst time of your life and rebuild yourself to become the strong person you were. I can't watch you let yourself get beat down again by a man. I can't do it. It disappoints me that this is where you are today. I never wished this for you, I wanted to be proven wrong, I prayed to be given peace with your decision and I held back at every turn where I wanted to really say something. I can feel my respect for you erode and it makes me angry as hell. Did you lie to me for all those years you lectured me about men? Why are you allowing yourself to be treated this way, Sis? You don't have to take this, it's ok to walk away if the other option is staying in a marriage that makes you miserably unhappy everyday. Those small glimpses of sanity he displays isn't reason enough to keep on going. You'll be chasing those moments for the rest of your life. Make the right decision, Sis, CHOOSE to be happy.
Thanks to Def Leppard for providing that apt title. Love and hate, sometimes it's difficult to distinguish the two. In this case, however, I think my feelings are pretty clear which side I'm on. I write this as a way to get off my chest the feelings I can't convey to her. I will say this, if she stays, my relationship with her will forever be ruined. I can't respect you for something like this and that makes me sad. Fool me once, shame on me, fool me twice, shame on you.
It's been nearly 6 months since her wedding. Has it gotten easier for her? No, it has not. In fact, she's miserable and she's trying so hard to make it work. But at what point should you realize that enough is enough? Do you keep on soldiering on and try to give it more opportunities to work in the hope that it will get better or should you trust your instincts and give in knowing it'll give you back your sanity and some semblance of happiness?
Marriage is hard, I get that. It constantly needs work but do you still subscribe to this if from the get-go, right out of the gate you have to keep batting so, so, so hard to keep the game alive? Ok, that's me trying out a baseball analogy and I don't particularly like nor understand the sport. Anyways, how much crazy should you forgive before you hold up your hands and say, "That's it, I surrender, I can't take it anymore"?
I ask this because after the latest string of crazy behavior my insane brother-in-law (i loathe to refer to him as family but it is what it is ain't it?) I can't understand the rationale of "trying to make it work". When is it time to give in? Is it at the point where you are calling your mother so often in the wee hours of the morning because your mentally unsound husband is accusing you of carrying on an affair with your business partner? Is it at the point where he pressures you to start trying for kids because he believes it'll make all you problems go away but then when you disagree, he accuses your business partner of influencing you not to have kids? Is it when he issues ultimatums for you to sell your business where you are the managing director of a relatively extremely successful small business as a solution to saving your marriage? Oh yes, and if you want to work so badly, said husband will make you his PA, no worries!
Yes, that is some of the completely off the chart behavior the ego maniac is displaying. I am filled with so much disdain towards him. Ok, I f@$king wish he'd just eff off to whereever and leave my family alone. When you drag my poor mum into this who has to listen to my sis at 3, 4 o'clock in the morning telling her, "I'm tired, Ma, I'm tired. I don't think I can do this anymore." , you f@$king well am pissing me the hell off! When you request to meet my dad to discuss your wife's behavior with her father that really riles me! You miserable excuse of a human being.
But the part that really gets me, that completely pisses me the hell off is the fact that the longer my sister stays to try to make it work, often times just barely hanging in there, I feel the heavy weight of my disappointment bearing down on me. I am disappointed and angry that she has put herself in a similar situation she was in about 5 or 7 years ago. I look up to you as my role model. I listen to you. I watched you go through the worst time of your life and rebuild yourself to become the strong person you were. I can't watch you let yourself get beat down again by a man. I can't do it. It disappoints me that this is where you are today. I never wished this for you, I wanted to be proven wrong, I prayed to be given peace with your decision and I held back at every turn where I wanted to really say something. I can feel my respect for you erode and it makes me angry as hell. Did you lie to me for all those years you lectured me about men? Why are you allowing yourself to be treated this way, Sis? You don't have to take this, it's ok to walk away if the other option is staying in a marriage that makes you miserably unhappy everyday. Those small glimpses of sanity he displays isn't reason enough to keep on going. You'll be chasing those moments for the rest of your life. Make the right decision, Sis, CHOOSE to be happy.
Thanks to Def Leppard for providing that apt title. Love and hate, sometimes it's difficult to distinguish the two. In this case, however, I think my feelings are pretty clear which side I'm on. I write this as a way to get off my chest the feelings I can't convey to her. I will say this, if she stays, my relationship with her will forever be ruined. I can't respect you for something like this and that makes me sad. Fool me once, shame on me, fool me twice, shame on you.
