.....and I don't want to think of it as a big deal but I'm afraid I may begin to blow this out of porportion.
Ok, came home today and after checking my work emails and doing all the necessary replies, I log on to my Gmail account and find 7 new ones waiting for me. Not unusual as I am subscribed to multiple ecommerce sites. I als tend to get a lot of Facebook emails which I tend to delete cos I am just not a big fan of social networking. Yes, I'm on it anyways but I don't have to like it. I think of it as a necessary evil.
I saw I had a Facebook email and some small part of me might have hoped it was from Juan, even though I didn't reply his last message, but it wasn't. Instead, I saw a friend request from someone I just didn't expect - my first ex, G.
Yea, the one I keep claiming I don't think I'm over. OMG. I just don't know what to think. I went onto Facebook to look at the request. He sent me a message - "Hey stranger...." Umm, I vividly recall that I was the last person to email in our last attempt to keep in touch 3 years ago so it's not like I dropped the ball. Ok, I'm nitpicking, I don't know why. Part of me is pleased, part of me is confused (like I'm thinking why now?) and part of me is just scared. I really don't want to have an insight into his life and to have myself be crushed. Well, I guess that kinda confirms the whole "I'm-not-over-him" thing.
I am giving it a day. Or two. Oh, I know I will end up adding him. I just want to prepare myself for any untoward (in my opinion) developments in his life. It's not a big deal, it shouldn't be. Not after all these years anyway. God, I just don't know what I want. And I know I'm making mountains out of molehills but he was the love of my life. I can't help that he brings out this reaction in me.
UPDATE:
No, I didn't go and add him immediately after I wrote this post. I did go back into Facebook just to have a looksie at his profile. Can't really glean much since, like me, he keeps it private from non-friends but it does list his current location and he is now in New York City. Hmmmm, I wonder if he was already there when I made my trip back in 2007. Missed op there. Or not, I dunno.
Well, instead, I decided to reply Juan. I have a habit of doing this kind of thing. To distract myself from going stir-crazy about G, I'll go and pay attention to some other person. I don't particularly like that habit of mine but I can't help doing it cos it makes me feel safe. I'm a complex and twisted person, even I have trouble understanding myself some days.
Ok, came home today and after checking my work emails and doing all the necessary replies, I log on to my Gmail account and find 7 new ones waiting for me. Not unusual as I am subscribed to multiple ecommerce sites. I als tend to get a lot of Facebook emails which I tend to delete cos I am just not a big fan of social networking. Yes, I'm on it anyways but I don't have to like it. I think of it as a necessary evil.
I saw I had a Facebook email and some small part of me might have hoped it was from Juan, even though I didn't reply his last message, but it wasn't. Instead, I saw a friend request from someone I just didn't expect - my first ex, G.
Yea, the one I keep claiming I don't think I'm over. OMG. I just don't know what to think. I went onto Facebook to look at the request. He sent me a message - "Hey stranger...." Umm, I vividly recall that I was the last person to email in our last attempt to keep in touch 3 years ago so it's not like I dropped the ball. Ok, I'm nitpicking, I don't know why. Part of me is pleased, part of me is confused (like I'm thinking why now?) and part of me is just scared. I really don't want to have an insight into his life and to have myself be crushed. Well, I guess that kinda confirms the whole "I'm-not-over-him" thing.
I am giving it a day. Or two. Oh, I know I will end up adding him. I just want to prepare myself for any untoward (in my opinion) developments in his life. It's not a big deal, it shouldn't be. Not after all these years anyway. God, I just don't know what I want. And I know I'm making mountains out of molehills but he was the love of my life. I can't help that he brings out this reaction in me.
UPDATE:
No, I didn't go and add him immediately after I wrote this post. I did go back into Facebook just to have a looksie at his profile. Can't really glean much since, like me, he keeps it private from non-friends but it does list his current location and he is now in New York City. Hmmmm, I wonder if he was already there when I made my trip back in 2007. Missed op there. Or not, I dunno.
Well, instead, I decided to reply Juan. I have a habit of doing this kind of thing. To distract myself from going stir-crazy about G, I'll go and pay attention to some other person. I don't particularly like that habit of mine but I can't help doing it cos it makes me feel safe. I'm a complex and twisted person, even I have trouble understanding myself some days.
