i've gone along for the past few years, happy in my singledom status. Since my last relationship ended, I have never felt compelled to actively seek out a partner. My last "date" was in April. Even then, I was ambushed into it. A blind setup planned by one of my best friends and her colleague with one of his friends. It was nice, just no chemistry on my part. Am not sure what the other party feels. Anyway, I have been happy to plod along as a singleton without a care or a thought to finding someone up until today.
What has contributed to this change of heart? Perhaps I should explain why I've been so comfortable with my single status first. Including myself, there are three of us siblings. All girls. In Asian cultures, the firstborn daughter should be married first but there are instances whereby the younger siblings can leapfrog the order. This is the case with my family. My second sister got married 10 years ago, ahead of my eldest sis. Since then, the pressure of coupling up and heading down the matrimonial path has never been an issue for me. As I have an unmarried older sibling, it doesn't matter if I do not end up married during the window of age most girls are supposedly to be all knotted up. My eldest sis has also largely influenced my own personal life. She is 37 this year and has achieved so many incredible milestones all on her own. Without the help of a man in the picture. I mean, she's not anti-man, she has had relationships on and off since forever but as of the past coupla years, she has been breaking down corporate barriers and just doing her own thing. And she's wildly successful at it. Happy too.
She always speaks of doing things for herself first and foremost and the impressionable lil sis that I am, have also followed suit in the hopes of filling in the footsteps she has so nicely left behind her. However, my sis is not lacking for male interest. Last year, an old flame of hers proposed marriage. I like him. She dos too but the circumstances were not permitting and she didn't take him up on his offer. She's generally on great terms with most exes. So when I was home for the family gathering last weekend, she and I actually went out for lunch with her "first love" as she calls him and we three had a great time. Apparently, on Sunday after sending me to the airport, he called her up for lunch again and while dining, proceeded to propose to her.
I like this guy as well. We get along. And he is successful in his own right so no worries about anyone taking advantage of the others success. What has me worried is that she's actually considering it. They have been apart for sixteen years. On and off throughout the years they keep in touch to commisserate or celebrate various milestones in their seperate lives. Suddenly after one luncheon he says he wakes up the next morning and knows that he was always meant to be with my sis. And he now wants to talk to my dad and has insisted that they marry by December.
This has me freaking out. Of course, if my sis is happy and wants to, I want this for her. But for me this is a disaster. I am in no way ready to be with anyone nor do I have any desire to have a boyfriend. If she ups and marries, the full force of inquiring minds (read: nosy relatives) will fall solely on me. She's my buffer and we've co-existed excellently in this way for the last few years. Without her on the single side I'm going to have to take on the burden all by my lonesome. And that's added stress I do not need nor want. I have enough in dealing with being away from my family, I do not want to have to worry about having to find someone to settle down with as well. Yea, so I sound silly and selfish. Look, its no house of fun to be the only single person in your family. I do not want to have family pitying me. I AM happy as I am but things won't be so easy with pressure from extended family. My core family in itself is cool. Get married, be single, your choice. No pressure from mum and dad but if everyone in my family is going to be all loved up and happy, I don't know if I can maintain my single mantra and be excellent with it. I want to be single until the time is right for me to be with someone. But I don't know if in the end I will end up conforming before that time has come. Does this make any sense?
What has contributed to this change of heart? Perhaps I should explain why I've been so comfortable with my single status first. Including myself, there are three of us siblings. All girls. In Asian cultures, the firstborn daughter should be married first but there are instances whereby the younger siblings can leapfrog the order. This is the case with my family. My second sister got married 10 years ago, ahead of my eldest sis. Since then, the pressure of coupling up and heading down the matrimonial path has never been an issue for me. As I have an unmarried older sibling, it doesn't matter if I do not end up married during the window of age most girls are supposedly to be all knotted up. My eldest sis has also largely influenced my own personal life. She is 37 this year and has achieved so many incredible milestones all on her own. Without the help of a man in the picture. I mean, she's not anti-man, she has had relationships on and off since forever but as of the past coupla years, she has been breaking down corporate barriers and just doing her own thing. And she's wildly successful at it. Happy too.
She always speaks of doing things for herself first and foremost and the impressionable lil sis that I am, have also followed suit in the hopes of filling in the footsteps she has so nicely left behind her. However, my sis is not lacking for male interest. Last year, an old flame of hers proposed marriage. I like him. She dos too but the circumstances were not permitting and she didn't take him up on his offer. She's generally on great terms with most exes. So when I was home for the family gathering last weekend, she and I actually went out for lunch with her "first love" as she calls him and we three had a great time. Apparently, on Sunday after sending me to the airport, he called her up for lunch again and while dining, proceeded to propose to her.
I like this guy as well. We get along. And he is successful in his own right so no worries about anyone taking advantage of the others success. What has me worried is that she's actually considering it. They have been apart for sixteen years. On and off throughout the years they keep in touch to commisserate or celebrate various milestones in their seperate lives. Suddenly after one luncheon he says he wakes up the next morning and knows that he was always meant to be with my sis. And he now wants to talk to my dad and has insisted that they marry by December.
This has me freaking out. Of course, if my sis is happy and wants to, I want this for her. But for me this is a disaster. I am in no way ready to be with anyone nor do I have any desire to have a boyfriend. If she ups and marries, the full force of inquiring minds (read: nosy relatives) will fall solely on me. She's my buffer and we've co-existed excellently in this way for the last few years. Without her on the single side I'm going to have to take on the burden all by my lonesome. And that's added stress I do not need nor want. I have enough in dealing with being away from my family, I do not want to have to worry about having to find someone to settle down with as well. Yea, so I sound silly and selfish. Look, its no house of fun to be the only single person in your family. I do not want to have family pitying me. I AM happy as I am but things won't be so easy with pressure from extended family. My core family in itself is cool. Get married, be single, your choice. No pressure from mum and dad but if everyone in my family is going to be all loved up and happy, I don't know if I can maintain my single mantra and be excellent with it. I want to be single until the time is right for me to be with someone. But I don't know if in the end I will end up conforming before that time has come. Does this make any sense?
