Well, I've cleaned the slate, with the hands, of uncertainty. Ok, LP song ref aside, I'm certain about putting it to past and moving forward with a clean slate so I can't particularly quote Linkin Park on that last bit. Anyways, what I've done (more like decided but LP doesn't have a song title that goes "What I've Decided", hehehe), is made up my mind to just be a bigger person and to put my feelings of resentment and whatever else to pasture. I've decided my sister's engagement and her subsequent nuptials this December is something I'm happy about.
Why the sudden turnaround? Cos I saw my sis and she looks really happy about it and how can I begrudge her that? My unwillingness was such a drag anyway, I was tired of all the negativity and it's not like I'm that good at hiding my feelings for long stretches. She might be in a happy cloud bubble right now but over time I'm sure she'd start calling me out on my passive-aggressive behavior.
I was video conferencing with her and, well, she had her video on, I was too lazy to switch computers from my work laptop (no integrated webcam) to Netty so I just typed in my responses to her. I guess it was a good thing cos I got to see her reactions without her seeing mine and it put things into perspective for me. She has this bubbly vibe about her (and if you knew her personally, my sis is not the effervescent type at all) and such an eagerness for my more involved participation into her wedding plans that the fact I've been thinking and acting (subtly, I'd like to think) like a complete brat about the whole thing made me feel guilt BIG TIME.
So, I decided to just reconcile whatever feelings of dissatisfaction I was having and just move on. It was such a waste of time and energy to be that resentful anyway. I love you, Sis, and if this is what makes you happy, then I'll get behind it. Plus, it didn't hurt that she told me her fiance` thinks I'm great and it'd be totally cool to have me as a sister. I'm paraphrasing, what he conveyed was more articulate than that.
P.S:
The reason why we were conferencing was because she was modeling my Melissa vinyl shoes for me. I'll be getting them when she comes up to visit at the end of the month. That's also when I'll be getting the bulk of my shopping goodies (N97 - YAY!, Benefit stuff - YAY!) sans the books. She refuses to carry the books cos of the weight. I'm trying to convinve her to bring me just two of the smaller ones. I'll be going back on the 15th next month so it doesn't really matter that I don't have all the books. I've got a gazillion eBooks to tide me over anyways :)
Why the sudden turnaround? Cos I saw my sis and she looks really happy about it and how can I begrudge her that? My unwillingness was such a drag anyway, I was tired of all the negativity and it's not like I'm that good at hiding my feelings for long stretches. She might be in a happy cloud bubble right now but over time I'm sure she'd start calling me out on my passive-aggressive behavior.
I was video conferencing with her and, well, she had her video on, I was too lazy to switch computers from my work laptop (no integrated webcam) to Netty so I just typed in my responses to her. I guess it was a good thing cos I got to see her reactions without her seeing mine and it put things into perspective for me. She has this bubbly vibe about her (and if you knew her personally, my sis is not the effervescent type at all) and such an eagerness for my more involved participation into her wedding plans that the fact I've been thinking and acting (subtly, I'd like to think) like a complete brat about the whole thing made me feel guilt BIG TIME.
So, I decided to just reconcile whatever feelings of dissatisfaction I was having and just move on. It was such a waste of time and energy to be that resentful anyway. I love you, Sis, and if this is what makes you happy, then I'll get behind it. Plus, it didn't hurt that she told me her fiance` thinks I'm great and it'd be totally cool to have me as a sister. I'm paraphrasing, what he conveyed was more articulate than that.
P.S:
The reason why we were conferencing was because she was modeling my Melissa vinyl shoes for me. I'll be getting them when she comes up to visit at the end of the month. That's also when I'll be getting the bulk of my shopping goodies (N97 - YAY!, Benefit stuff - YAY!) sans the books. She refuses to carry the books cos of the weight. I'm trying to convinve her to bring me just two of the smaller ones. I'll be going back on the 15th next month so it doesn't really matter that I don't have all the books. I've got a gazillion eBooks to tide me over anyways :)
